“I work a lot, do a lot of different things, but I think in some ways I’m overcompensating for the inner, hidden knowledge that somewhere deep inside me there’s a lazy hippie waiting to get out, that if I’m given the opportunity, I’d lay down on the couch, turn on Adventure Time or The Simpsons, smoke a joint, and lay there for the next six months.”—Anthony Bourdain on his work ethic (via sickeningliberal)
“Apparently there is nothing Apple can do to get us mad at them. They’re dodgin’ taxes, they got suicide prevention nets outside their hell factories. We could find out they’re using kitten hearts to power iPhones and we’d be like ‘Well, if it doubles battery life, I’ll take two.”—Jon Stewart
“It seems to me we’ll move heaven and earth to do whatever it takes to prevent weapons from falling into the hands of foreigners who MIGHT kill our citizens, because apparently we think killing our citizens is OUR job.”—Jon Stewart, commenting on the lengths we WILL go to in the name of fighting terrorism, compared to the lengths we WON’T go to in the name of fighting gun violence.